Aside

My Birth Story

19 Nov

This is my birth story as written and shared a week after my son’s birth. I had prepared for a natural birth but didn’t exactly get there.

“I started the Hypnobabies program at 24 weeks and did each class for 2 weeks instead of one. I loved practicing and was very dedicated to the program. I never missed a single script and I did my finger drops daily without fail. I had a wonderful pregnancy and was calm and confident about my birthing.On May 8th I sat down on the couch with DH and told him I had a feeling something was about to happen. Maybe an hour later my water broke. I got very nervous and panicked because I had visualized my waters staying in tact til further into my birthing time. I listened to Fear Clearing and felt so much better. Pressure waves started very intense and 2 mins apart. I used my light switch and peace cue and felt like I was handling well. The only position I could be comfortable in however was leaning and swaying. I continued using my HB tools with complete confidence. About 5 hours into my birthing time I started vomiting and shaking. I knew these were signs of transition so I decided it was time to go to the hospital. When I arrived I was checked and at 2cm! I couldn’t believe it. I was so dissapointed. My pressure waves were now extremely intense and I was throwing up with most of them. Dh was applying counter pressure but it was of little help. I was in (BOP) lots of pain. I was moaning and vocalizing through but felt like I was barely making it. I was checked again 2 hours later and still only at a 3. I had been in my birthing time for 8 hours and had made very little progress. I cried and told DH I couldn’t do it anymore. I opted for an epi and although it felt like heaven I was devasted with the decision I had made and I cried many times during my birthing time because I felt like a complete failure. After getting the epi I was barely progressing. I was put on high doses of pit and ended up birthing for 23 hours total. My son was born May 9th 2013 at 5:49pm. He weighed 7lbs 6oz and is PERFECT. For him I am so thankful but I can’t help but mourn the birthing experience that I didn’t get.”

image

At 6 months post partum I am still struggling with my birth experience. These are very difficult emotions for me because I know I am blessed to have a healthy child regardless of how he entered the world. In hindsight, I think many things contributed to me “giving up”. I do not blame Hypnobabies. In fact, the program gave me peace and calmness where I otherwise would have been frantic. I do plan to use Hypnobabies again. I think my decision to use a OB and a hospital was my first mistake. I did like my doctor as a person but I honestly felt judged and belittled by him my entire pregnancy. I felt like he refused to take me seriously. That should have been the first red flag. And although I had several amazing nurses, for the most part, they made me feel like a sick patient instead of a strong, birthing woman. The triage nurse bullied me several times and I can’t help but wonder if those amazing nurses may have been less than amazing if I hadn’t already had the epidural when I met them.

I also feel as though perhaps I was a bit stunned by the unanticipated path my birthing took. I hadn’t expected my water to break first, my contractions to start out so intense and close or to be stuck in triage for 10 hours because L&D was full. I had visualized laboring in the shower in my own room, progressing at a steady pace, and being completely respected by the hospital staff.

I can say for certain that next time I will have a midwife and use a birthing center.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: